


Ten Little Anomalies

by orphan_account



Series: The Town in Reverse [4]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Reverse Falls, Gen, Reverse Dipper Pines, Reverse Falls, Reverse Gideon Gleeful, Reverse Headhunters, Reverse Mabel Pines, Reverse Pacifica Northwest, Role Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6235177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At a dinner party held by the Northwests, Mabel Pines mysteriously vanishes! Where did she go and who could have taken her? With ten guests each holding their own mysterious motives, it’s up to Gideon and Pacifica to figure out which of the guests caused Mabel to disappear before it’s too late...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vanishing Act

Three summers apart left a lot for Gideon and Pacifica to catch up on. While Gravity Falls hadn't changed much, being older meant that they had a lot more independence. So Pacifica took Gideon under her wing and decided to introduce him to the wonders of thrift shopping.

They went to Shop Thrifty, a shoebox of a store packed with items no longer wanted by their former owners. There was also a very real possibility some of those former owners were dead, leaving their possessions to Shop Thrifty.

Gideon didn't quite understand why thrift shopping was practical. Like who needed an entire jar of broken mousetraps? Pacifica was in her element though. She buzzed around Shop Thrifty like an archeologist exploring a cave of treasures. "Take this pig whistle! True, I don’t have a pig, but maybe this is the universe’s way of saying I'll meet a pig someday!" Pacifica put the whistle in her shopping bag. "Also, it's fifty cents. That's even less than a chocolate bar!"

Gideon picked up a book with a sassy teen detective on the cover. "Betty Jupiter! I thought they stopped publishing these!" Girl detective extraordinaire from the olden days, Betty Jupiter was one of his favorite book series. 

"See? Thrift shopping has something for everyone!" Pacifica said.

Two girls around Pacifica's age walked into Shop Thrifty carrying a stack of posters. Gideon and Pacifica paid them little mind until they started talking.

"Did you see Dipper last night?" the girl with a red bob said. "He looked so dreamy!"

Gideon froze. 

"How is he so cool?" the other girl said. She had fluffy brown hair. She tacked one of their posters to a wall, revealing yet another advertisement for the Telepathy Twins show. "If I were him, I'd be a nervous wreak up on that stage!"

"It must be a showbiz thing. I heard the Telepathy Twins performed for royalty!"

"You're kidding!"

"You know what I'd love? A  _personal_ show, if you know what I mean," the redhead said, suggestively wriggling her eyebrows.

"Tell you what: I get Mabel, and you get Dipper," the brunette said.

"Agreed!"

The girls squealed and ran out of the shop. Pacifica pointedly rummaged through the bargain bin. They wouldn't be jumping up and down if they knew what the Telepathy Twins were really like. Ignoring them had gotten increasingly difficult in the past couple weeks. With the posters, TV ads, and even word of the mouth, the Telepathy Twins were everywhere.

Gideon voiced the same sentiments. "I can't believe they're still in town. I was hoping they were a traveling act." The Telepathy Twins had slowly pervaded into Gravity Falls and had shown no signs of leaving.

"Right? Ugh, that reminds me my parents are throwing a dinner party tonight," Pacifica said. "And guess who's the guest of honor?"

She nodded towards the poster. Gideon grimaced. "No way. Why'd your parents invite them?"

"Because they have zero standards," Pacifica said as she scraped gum off a perfectly good pair of heels. "I don't know, they always get so self-conscious whenever new people come into town. Like they have to put on a show, dazzle them, whatever."

"Are you going?"

"I have to. Although I’m not crazy about having Creepy and Creepier in my house." Pacifica casted a glare at the advertisement. "Not to mention their weird uncle."

The Telepathy Twins beckoned from the poster for guests to join their magic show. It was only a drawing, but the twins looked lifelike. Gideon feared Mabel might break through the poster and grab him by the throat.

"My parents said I could invite you, but I know how you feel after..."

"Mabel," Gideon said. Speaking the name felt wrong, like uttering Latin from an ancient summoning book. "But you'll have to deal with them all by yourself."

"Trying not to think about that. I mean, my parents will be there, and Lazy Susan's gonna be working the bar. They wouldn't turn me into Swiss cheese in front other people, right? At least I hope not." She instinctively touched her cheek where the knife had sliced past her. The cut had already healed, leaving only memories of what Dipper and Mabel were capable of. 

Gideon still remembered that day with Mabel. Doting on her, wanting to cry out for help, but being physically unable to do so. He didn't like thinking about what would have happened if Pacifica hadn't investigated the Tent of Telepathy.

If Pacifica was in Gideon's position, she'd go to the party. She deserved the same support.

"I'll go."

"You will!?"

"I can't avoid Mabel for the entire summer."

Pacifica was practically glowing as she pulled Gideon into a tight hug. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Paz! Breathing!" Gideon squeaked.

"Oh, right." She let go. "Trust me, I'll make sure Mabel doesn't get any closer than ten feet to you. With you, me, and..." Pacifica ran to one of the bins and pulled out the first item she saw. "This banjo! We'll be unstoppable."

"There is literally no situation where a banjo is going to save us," Gideon said.

"Now that you've jinxed us there totally is! I've got a good feeling about this banjo." Pacifica strummed the banjo and one of the strings popped off.

They walked out of Shop Thrifty with a bag of junk and their trusty new (or old) banjo. Pacifica prattled on about decorations for the party and Gideon was content listening. Her animated chattering was strangely soothing. It served as a nice distraction for what Gideon would be facing later that night. 

Likewise, Pacifica talked to distract herself from the very same thing. In the back of her mind though, Dipper Pines' warning echoed: _Don't think this is the last you've seen of us._

She didn't know what she hated more: having the Telepathy Twins in her house or knowing Dipper was right.

* * *

On top of a hill overlooking the entirety of Gravity Falls stood an absurdly tiny house. It was made even more absurd by the size of the lot. Hundreds of trees had been cleared out. Against the wide expanse of open land, the house looked like a fleck of dirt.

The lot was never intended for such a small house. When Nathaniel Northwest commissioned the lumberjacks back in the nineteenth century, he had a grand mansion in mind. It would be a testament to the Northwest name, a small wonder of the world right in Gravity Falls.

Money had something different in mind.

After clearing the trees out, the lumberjacks discovered their employer didn't have the funds needed to complete the estate. They collectively walked out. One faithful lumberjack stuck around to finish construction. With only one set of hands doing the work, the lumberjack did his best to complete the house. The finished product was neither grand nor wondrous, but it would stay standing. The Northwests could settle for that.

Unfortunately, the fates punished the lumberjack for his loyalty. As he nailed down the last shingle on the roof, he got struck by lightning. To commemorate the lumberjack's untimely death, the Northwests turned their house into a bar and named it the Lumberjug. Legend had it on stormy nights when lightning flashed, the scorched outline of the lumberjack's body could be seen on the roof.

To Pacifica Northwest, the ramshackle house on top of the hill was simply her home. The same way it was her parents' home. And her grandparents'. And her great-grandparents'. And probably her great-great-grandparents'.

Storm clouds gathered over Gravity Falls as Gideon and Pacifica set up for the dinner party. Her parents at brought out their most decadent decorations for the party, which by their standards were about as lavish as a yard sale. Gideon shuffled through battered cardboard boxes dragged from the attic/Pacifica's bedroom. "Uh, Paz? Are you sure your parents wanna use Christmas lights?"

"If they still work, string'em up!" Pacifica said from the dining room.

He was about to ask if she wanted the Halloween decorations taken down before realizing the animal heads mounted on the walls were year-round.

Pacifica pried open another folding chair rusted at the hinges and dragged it to the large round table. A dingy polyester tablecloth gave the dining room a fraction of class. She counted out ten sets of mismatched silverware. Dipper and Mabel were seated next to each other, and Pacifica made sure Gideon's name card was far out of Mabel's reach.

The food was set out, the electric candles switched on, and the only thing left to do was wait for the guests. Since getting the news two days ago, Pacifica had been jittery about the Pines coming to her house. Now she was calm. Perhaps she'd shaken all the nerves right out of her body.

The doorknocker thudded twice. Showtime. "I've got it!" Pacifica yelled. She ran to the foyer.

The Pines weren't at the door; instead, it was Reverend McGucket. "Hello, Pacifica! I'm here for the soup drive." He held up a paper bag stuffed with cans of soup. "I brought the soup!"

"Excellent! You brought the appetizer!"

Preston Northwest came into the foyer in a leisure suit that had seen better decades. Like his daughter, Preston appreciated the brighter outfits in life. Also plaid. Bright, horrifying plaid. His style may have been horrendous, but Preston walked like he was wearing a custom-tailored suit.

Realization dawned on McGucket's face as he figured out the event he'd been invited to was  _not_ a soup drive. "Preston, you have got to stop doing this!" McGucket said. "You're setting a horrid example for your daughter."

"I must apologize, Reverend, I do believe I got the invitations mixed up!" Preston said smoothly. "Nonetheless, we could always use a man of your... _repute_ at the party. You must stay!"

McGucket saw right through the lie but made no move to leave. "Very well. But all I'll be drinking is water."

"I wouldn't have it any other way!" Preston said.

McGucket went inside, Preston giddily shutting the door behind him. Pacifica rolled her eyes. As soon as McGucket was out of sight, she pounced on her dad. "Seriously? The preacher? Dad, I know you want to impress the Pines family, but  _come on_."

"Pacifica, we've been over this. The Pines already have an adoring relationship with the people of Gravity Falls," Preston explained. "If we can curry their favor, it'll do wonders for the Northwest reputation!"

"Who gives a crap about reputation!?" Pacifica said.

Preston knelt down and put a hand on Pacifica's shoulder. In a calming voice, he said, "Some people do a lot more than they should. Pacifica, I know you don't like the Pines, but this means the world to me and your mother. I appreciate you helping out."

Beneath the bravado and the white lies, her dad always had good intentions. Like the time he set a wild horse loose during Pioneer Day. He'd only wanted to recreate the Wild Horse Rampage of 1872. Pacifica was mortified. But after the town let them out from the stocks, Preston took her to the mall and let her pick out something new and not secondhand.

So even when her dad drove her crazy with his social climbing schemes... Pacifica loved him all the same. "Thanks, Dad. And I'll help during the party too." Someone had to keep the Lumberjug standing.

"That's my little partner in crime, always toughing it out!" He gently rustled her hair.

"Dad, watch the hair!" Pacifica patted her hair back down. Even so, she harbored a tiny smile.

"All right, all right, I'm going to check in on the kitchen. And remember what I told you: it's not child labor, it's volunteer work!" Preston said.

Preston left Pacifica in the foyer. Back to waiting. She straightened a few grainy photographs on the wall, mostly to give her something to do. Out of curiosity, she peered through a stained window. No guests in sight. However, those storm clouds were getting thicker.

Meanwhile, Gideon had run into Pacifica's mom in the bar area. Eccentric fashion sense must have run in the family; Priscilla Northwest looked like she'd stepped straight out of a low-budget animation from the 60s. She'd meticulously applied her makeup for the party and had gone through several gaudy print minidresses before settling on a bright yellow and purple paisley one.

The only thing Priscilla prided more than her looks was her daughter. "And when she was five, she sold lemonade outside the Lumberjug!" Priscilla said, her dirty blonde beehive tilting dangerously to the side. "Only she wasn't selling many glasses, so I added a little something-something to suck in those customers, if you know what I mean..."

Gideon did not know what she meant but opted not to tell her. "That's mighty fascinating."

"Isn't it? My little Pacifica's so creative! You should have seen the fondue party she coordinated last year- oh dear, you probably don't care about that as much as I do." Priscilla leaned over the bar. "Lazy Susan, be honest. I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Known for her lazy eye and her lazy work ethic, "Lazy" Susan Wentworth lived up to the nickname. She'd kept to herself during the entire conversation between Gideon and Priscilla. Now that Priscilla had dragged her into it, Lazy Susan was more than happy to indulge her boss. "You're rambling."

"I knew it! I just don't know when to quit!" Priscilla said. With a melodramatic sigh, she draped herself across the bar.

Lazy Susan didn't comment.

Gideon had mostly stayed away from Lazy Susan during setup. She'd made no efforts to converse with him anyways. Besides, every time he looked in her direction, his eyes fell on those creepy snake tattoos twisted around her arms. Not knowing what was underneath that lazy eye also put Gideon a little on edge. On top of that, Mabel was due to arrive any minute.

Still, Gideon couldn't ignore that annoying Southern tendency to make small talk during an awkward silence. "So... Susan, do you like working here?"

"No. The Northwests are paying me to work overtime," Lazy Susan said dryly, polishing the glasses. She stopped mid-polish and narrowed her good eye at Priscilla. "I  _am_ getting paid this time, aren't I?"

With a shaky laugh, Priscilla said, "Of course, of course! You'll be compensated in some way, shape, or form! We'll work out the details later."

Before Lazy Susan could object, Priscilla bolted to the kitchen, her white go-go boots clonking against the wooden floor. Lazy Susan muttered something under her breath. It didn't sound like English.

Gideon lasted two seconds alone with Lazy Susan. "Well, this is going nowhere." He returned to the foyer.

Pacifica was standing idly near the door. When Gideon came up behind her, she jumped. "Sorry. Thought you were them."

"Mabel would be the type to make a grand entrance," Gideon remarked.

"Agh, don't plant that idea in my head!" Pacifica said. "You ready?"

 _Was_ he? The more Gideon thought about being in the same room with Mabel, the more second thoughts he had. What was he supposed to do if she tried to talk him? Or even worse, what if she tried to get him alone? Was it too late to get a ride back to the Shack?

It was. Pacifica and Gideon heard a screech of tires followed by car doors slamming. There was a moment of silence, then the doorknocker sounded once.

It was a knock heard around the entire building. Preston and Priscilla rushed to the door, with Reverend McGucket trailing curiously behind them. Lazy Susan looked up from her position in the bar and craned her neck toward the foyer. Pacifica steeled herself. And Gideon, trembling and hyperventilating, made an important decision.

"I can't do this. Hide me!"

Pacifica scrambled for a hiding spot. She opened a cupboard and pushed aside some dishes. "In here!"

Gideon squeezed into the cupboard right as Dipper and Mabel Pines swept into the Lumberjug accompanied by their great uncle. Their presence brought the normally warm Lumberjug to a chill. Even Reverend McGucket looked discomforted. The Pines family had quite the entourage with them. Wendy came in right after them followed by Robbie and...

"Soos!?"

Soos walked in wearing a surprisingly snazzy tuxedo and a driver's hat. "Oh hey, Pacifica! The Pines hired me to be their chauffeur! How cool is that?"

"Don't talk to her," Dipper ordered.

"Sure thing, dude!" Soos said. He still gave a friendly thumbs up to Pacifica.

While Pacifica scrutinized the Pines from a safe distance, her parents made a beeline for the family. "Welcome! We're so delighted to have you here!" Preston said.

"The food's free, right?" Stan said.

"Grunkle Stan, that is no way to talk to our hosts!" Mabel admonished. She looked back to the Northwests. "The food is  _edible_ , right?"

"Certainly!" Priscilla said. The strain in her voice made it sound like even she wasn't certain about the food. "Come inside! Please!"

And so the mingling began. Preston and Priscilla hovered around Mabel and Stan like gnats. Only Dipper remained at the door, several feet away from Pacifica. Pacifica coldly crossed her arms. "Hope you're not in the mood for target practice."

"You think I'd risk pulling something like that around other people? If I wanted to do anything, I would have done so by now," Dipper said, his voice calm and even. Pacifica noted a thin white tie had replaced his amulet.

"How's not having a magic amulet going for you anyways?" she said.

"Sublime," Dipper retorted.

"My parents may have invited you, but that does _not_ mean you are welcome here," Pacifica said.

"You're breaking my heart."

"Listen here Dipshi-" Pacifica caught herself. Gideon was in the room. " _Dipshifter_. I meant what I said. This isn't the Tent of Telepathy. You're in _my_ house now. " 

"Your house is a bar? That explains a lot." 

"It has character!"

"Right."

Dipper left Pacifica fuming. If only the party had been sooner. She could have at least derived some satisfaction in seeing the black eye she gave him. On the bright side, Dipper hadn't made any outright threats. She'd keep monitoring him from a distance. 

Meanwhile, Pacifica needed to micro-manage everyone else at the party. Northwest parties had taught her that party guests were like chemicals. Mix certain ones together, and the party could go up in flames. Dipper was under control for now; she doubted he'd cause much damage other than psychological damage. The wild card was his sister.

Speaking of, Mabel was nowhere in sight. Which meant she could find Gideon. Pacifica took off.

Mabel had actually sent Priscilla hurrying to the kitchen after mentioning her dislike for chocolate. In truth, Mabel loved chocolate. But like mother like daughter, winding up Priscilla was positively entertaining. Distracting her also gave Mabel a chance to explore.

Mabel floated through the rooms, fingers touching everything within reach. She liked knowing the space. When Mabel brushed her fingers against a dingy chandelier (those crystals were clearly glass), the object had more depth. It was like reading a book only much more satisfying. The surroundings might prove useful as well, especially when Dipper and Mabel got to their performance.

Her wandering brought her back to the foyer. The bartender was watching her. Fair enough. Mabel was watching her too. Just to get her squirming, Mabel looked directly at her and flashed an innocent smile. She hastily grabbed a glass to polish.

Before she continued her exploration, Mabel heard someone sneeze from... a cupboard? Wait. That adorable, kitten-like sneeze could only belong to two people, and her brother wasn't in the room.

Mabel dragged a perfectly manicured nail across the counter and rapped her knuckles above the cupboard. "I know you're in there," she purred. 

After a moment of silence, Gideon Gleeful inched out of the cupboard and met Mabel's smiling face. "H-hey Mabel."

"Gideon! No one told me my little sugar cube would be here!" Mabel said, uncomfortably close to him.

"And you're gonna act like he's not."

Like a vengeful guardian angel, Pacifica Northwest strode through the foyer and firmly planted herself between Gideon and Mabel. "Of course _you'd_ show up," Mabel said, no longer attempting to hide her disdain for Pacifica.

In turn, Mabel's open contempt for Pacifica meant Pacifica no longer had to feign courtesy around Mabel. Also she wasn't wearing her headband tonight which made talking back much less intimidating. Pacifica put her hands on her hips. "Gideon is off-limits. You lay one finger on him, I will personally kick you out of my house."

"Say, you wouldn't have a house to kick me out of if it burned down, would you?" Mabel said.

"I don't know what sick punchline you're getting to, but-"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Mabel spoke in the same tone used when talking to an exceptionally dumb toddler. "Wood is highly flammable."

As Pacifica processed what Mabel was insinuating, she took her exit. Pacifica let out a frustrated grunt. "I can't believe her! I hope our fire extinguisher still works."

"Did you see the way she found me?" Gideon looked over his shoulder, making sure Mabel wasn't hiding in wait for him to be alone. He couldn't forget the way Mabel's intense blue eyes bore into his. She looked at him like a lost possession she was intent on getting back.

"I know. God, if I can just get through this one night with the house still standing..." Pacifica started going over the status of the party guests. "Okay, Mabel's a potential arsonist, Dipper's smug but not a threat, Dad's talking to Soos - fine. McGucket's not important. Mom is..." Pacifica looked around. In the lounge, she caught sight of an auburn-haired woman with a camera slung around her neck. "Oh no."

"What is it?" Gideon said.

"Shandra Jimenez."

Gideon actually knew who this person was, if only by name. She'd snapped pictures of him and Mabel when she'd been parading him around. He'd assumed she wrote for _Gravity Falls Daily_ , but he later found out she wrote for her own headline _Gravity Falls Hourly_. He didn't know if she actually wrote articles by the hour.

Trying to find some sliver lining, Gideon said, "Maybe Shandra can give some exposure to the Lumberjug."

"Yeah, if Shandra was a _real_ reporter." Her mom was talking animatedly to Shandra. Shandra was going to bleed her dry if Pacifica didn't step in. "I gotta do damage control. Can you handle yourself?"

"I'll be fine."

As Pacifica headed to the lounge, Gideon gravitated to the one other person he knew well: Robbie. "Some party, huh?"

"That's one way to put it," Robbie said. He'd sanctioned off his own little corner in the bar area, safe to observe the party guests with minimum interaction. In case no one at the party wanted to talk to him, Robbie had also brought a poetry book.

"So the Northwests invited you too?" Gideon asked.

"Not exactly. Wendy did."

"They invited  _Wendy_?"

"Actually, I think Dipper invited her," Robbie said, sounding uncertain on how the sequence of invitations played out. "Guess the Northwests couldn't say no to the guests of honor. Check it out."

Gideon looked around the Lumberjug and saw Dipper over at the punch bowl with Wendy. He stood comically shorter than the lanky redhead, made only funnier by him standing up as straight as possible. He appeared to be carrying on a one-sided conversation that Wendy had been cornered into listening to.

"And that's why the Black Death was such a success," Dipper concluded. Wendy took another disinterested swig of punch. "Do you need more punch- do you _want_  more punch? I'll get you more punch."

Wendy crushed the red plastic cup with her bare hands and tossed it to the floor. "I'm good. Man, this place is even more of a dive than I remember."

Dipper laughed, a challenge for him. He wanted to sound like he found her remark genuinely funny but not _too_ funny. "That is an accurate statement!" No, that didn't come out right. What was he, a robot? "I mean- sentences!"

Wendy raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me."

He escaped to a window, one of the few remotely decent areas in this hovel. He hated the flush in his cheeks and beads of perspiration on his forehead. This type of behavior was unacceptable around other people. No matter - after a few minutes, he quietly recovered from the blunder with Wendy and returned to his usual state of cold aloofness. No one suspected a thing.

Except Mabel. Times like these she didn't even _need_ a psychic connection to know what Dipper was thinking. She crept in out of nowhere. "Somebody's in love..."

"What? I am not," Dipper said. "Wendy's an interesting person, and I think it would be advantageous to spend time with her-"

"On a date?" Mabel said teasingly. That pink flush returned with a vengeance. "What's the matter? Afraid of humiliating yourself in front of your new GIRLFRIEN-!"

Dipper clamped a hand over Mabel's mouth. "Can you keep it down? You're gonna blow my chances with Wendy."

"Sure I am. You have to appreciate the irony of this situation, Dipdop. 'Mabel, he's just a boy! You need to focus more!'" Mabel said in her best Dipper voice. "'I'm Dipper Pines, and I never get distracted by girls!' Are we becoming each other? Am I going to start reading nerd books?"

"I do not talk like that," Dipper said. "I'm gonna get mingling over with. Hopefully talking with these hicks isn't  _too_ painful."

Mabel snickered. She knew enough about crushes to tell when someone reciprocated. Dipper's little crush on Wendy was going to crash and burn, and Mabel couldn't wait to watch the fireworks.

Meanwhile, she had other more important matters. She'd cultivated a few connections at the party, a miracle given who she had to pick from. Shandra promised a glowing write-up about Mabel's showbiz tips, and she'd even put in a good word for Dipper. She had Pacifica's parents under her heel from the moment she stepped into their mud pit of a home. Pity their daughter wasn't so easy to subdue.

Only Gideon remained out of her grasp. He was tantalizingly close, but he was afraid. Afraid of the potential their relationship held. There had to be some kind of grand gesture Mabel could do to win him over. She'd eradicate the sun if that was what he wished.

Except that wasn't.

Soos noticed Mabel staring out the window deep in thought. "How's it hanging, Miss Mabel?"

"Have you ever been in love?" Mabel asked bluntly.

"All the time! Like right now I'm in love with this dip!" Soos crammed another chip in his mouth. "What is the secret to such deliciousness?"

"But what if the dip wanted nothing to do with you?"

The question took him aback somewhat. Mabel had barely said two words to him in the car, let alone anything this thought-provoking. "That's pretty deep stuff, hambo- I mean, Miss Mabel. I guess I'd be pretty bummed out."

"Then what would you do?" Mabel said.

"Well... I'd respect the dip's wishes," Soos replied. He was so kind. Dipper would pity him. "Then maybe give the dip some space. Like it wanted!"

"But you're in love this dip- you're not just going to let it slip through your fingers!" Mabel said in a more aggressive tone.

Soos frowned. "I feel like I'm missing some subtext here-"

Mabel grabbed him by the collar and stood up on her tiptoes so they were eye-to-eye. "Jesús, you have one chance to make this dip love you again. You're really going to squander a lifetime of happiness because you don't have the courage to talk?"

"Well, when you put it that way... Okay, change of plans," Soos said. "I'd have a long, talk with the dip. You know, nice and intimate."

"So you're saying I should use intimate details of the dip's life to bring him closer to me?" Something intimate... Mabel's memory went back to a conversation with Pacifica of all people. She'd said something important about Gideon. That was what Mabel would use to get him back.

"That's not  _exactly_ what I said, but-"

"You've been immensely helpful." Her steps lighter and her heartbeat quicker, Mabel left Soos alone and confused at the window. She needed to inform Dipper of the change in plans.

Of the guests Dipper had talked to, the most tolerable of the bunch had been Reverend McGucket. He spoke eloquently despite the faint Southern drawl. Having lived in Gravity Falls for over thirty years, he was also a valuable source of information. At one point Dipper even...  _enjoyed_ their conversation. He didn't have to force himself to remember social cues and fight the urge to climb up to the roof for some solitude.

McGucket had been giving Dipper some insight into the Lumberjug itself. "The building is old enough to be historically significant, but the Northwests don't take proper advantage of it."

"So why do they still live here?" Dipper said.

"You've seen the ragged state of this place- I mean, I don't wish to speak ill of the Northwests," McGucket lowered his voice, "but everyone knows they couldn't afford to move anywhere else. The only reason the Lumberjug gets any real business is because it's the only bar within thirty miles."

Interesting. Dipper could tell from the worn state of Pacifica's clothes she wasn't rich, but he didn't know the Northwests were  _this_ poor. "Reverend, I'm curious. What would you do with the Lumberjug?"

McGucket took the bait almost instantly. "Truthfully, I'd like to turn the Lumberjug into a more respectable establishment. Perhaps a shelter. The church is in need of renovations, but if I had ownership of a place like this I could relocate altogether."

"Is that so?" Dipper said. He mentally stored away that juicy tidbit of information.

"That's merely a distant dream though!" McGucket laughed a little too lightheartedly. "I would never force the Northwests out!"

Dipper saw Stan headed toward him with a stern expression on his face. McGucket noticed too, and he tensed up. However, Stan reached them before McGucket could excuse himself. "Mabel told me about the change in plans."

"Change in plans?" Dipper said calmly. He knew by now Grunkle Stan loved to goad him into reacting - he saw it as a challenge.

"Something about 'soulmates.' I don't know the details, but she's looking for you. You'd best find her; I don't want this show bombing because you two aren't up to speed," Stan said.

Dipper didn't know why Stan was so concerned. They weren't exactly performing for royalty. "Very well. Nice meeting you, Reverend."

Reverend McGucket gave a shaky wave as Dipper left. The two men stood in awkward silence. Stan was a sharp man, and he could tell McGucket was fixated on him. "Do I know you?"

"No," McGucket said quickly. "I believe not. If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

On his way to the restroom, McGucket passed Shandra and Pacifica in a heated conversation with Priscilla trying to mediate. "You weren't invited!" Pacifica said, struggling to keep her voice down. "I don't even know how you got in here!"

"The backdoor was open," Shandra replied, cool as a glass of water. On the other hand, Pacifica was redder than a tomato. "Since when did your family develop standards anyways?"

"We don't have any!" Priscilla cut in. "No standards here- please stay, Shandra."

The underlying plea was  _Please don't write an inflammatory article about the party_. A good reporter always knew how to pick out the subtext. Shandra smirked. "I'm simply doing my job, Priscilla. I follow the story, and I've got a feeling there's a big one happening at this party." She glared sharply at Pacifica. "And I think this story just got a pretty solid lead."

"At least wait until the Telepathy Twins have performed! Surely that's worth writing about!" Priscilla said.

"Oh, my main feature will be the Telepathy Twins," Shandra said. "Don't worry, the Northwest party will also feature on the front page - maybe under the Social Disasters column."

Priscilla paled. "But-"

"Mom, I think Dad was looking for you," Pacifica cut in. "You should go check on him."

"I- of course."

Once Priscilla had left, Pacifica made no efforts to be polite. "Don't you have anything better to write about?"

"You think it's easy finding stories in this backwoods town? I'm already scraping from the bottom of the barrel here," Shandra said. Her eyes lit up with an idea, one that she'd probably planned springing on Priscilla. "Perhaps my story would be favorable if I had an interview."

"You are a desperate, attention-grabbing leech, and I am _never_ doing another interview with you," Pacifica hissed.

Shandra pulled out a tape recorded hidden in her shoe. Pacifica's stomach dropped; Shandra had gotten her. Again. "Maybe I'll go on home and write my article now. Which headline's more striking:  _Northwest Party More Disastrous Than a Bolt of Lightning_  or _Northwest Daughter Calls Hapless Guest a Leech_? I'm leaning more toward the second one..."

"Okay fine!" Pacifica said. "I'll answer one question."

"I deserve at least five."

"Two."

"Three."

"...fine."

Shandra sprung into reporter mode as if headlining a national news network. "Pacifica Northwest, was the party for Dipper and Mabel Pines solely to improve social standing?"

"No," Pacifica said.

"So your family has  _other_ ulterior motives? Good to know."

"That's not what I meant!"

Shandra ignored her. "Next question: the guest list for this party was awfully small. Did you unwittingly exclude most of the good people of Gravity Falls from the party?"

"Of course not." Pacifica realized how easily that phrase could be twisted around. "I mean we didn't knowingly-"

Too late. "The exclusive guest list was  _deliberate_. Very interesting. You're doing great, Pacifica. Final question: if your family possessed more money, what would they spend the money on?"

"I don't know? My parents deal with money stuff."

"Not educating their daughter on financial matters? I can't say I'm surprised," Shandra with mock sympathy. Pacifica was too flabbergasted to respond. "And your parents intend to ask for money from the Pines family. I completely understand."

"NO! Not in a million-  _trillion_ years!" Pacifica sputtered.

Shandra switched off the tape recorder. "Thank you so much for your time, Pacifica. Look for the story in tomorrow's paper."

She began to walk away, but Pacifica wasn't about to let her slip out so easily. "That interview was completely biased!"

"I'm a reporter, not a scholar. What did you expect?" Shandra said.

Pacifica throttled back. She reverted to the same patronizing manner of speech Shandra specialized in. "You're right, I shouldn't have expected so much from you. After all,  _Gravity Falls Daily_ won't even hire you - you're only a freelance reporter.."

As an unofficial reporter, Shandra had trained herself to keep her cool on hot-button issues. Unfortunately, there was one word that drove her berserk. _Freelance._ She turned on her heel and jabbed Pacifica with a sharp red fingernail. "The work I do is just as legitimate as those hacks! I _will_ walk out of here with a story. Even if I have to drag your family under the dirt to get it."

Shandra stalked off, her auburn hair swishing back and forth. Pacifica sighed. She'd known from the start Shandra wouldn't treat her kindly. In perspective, that interview could have gone a whole lot worse. That didn't make Pacifica feel any better.

A bell rang from the dining room. Dinner at last. Pacifica went out of the lounge and into the dining room, shutting the door behind her. The guests were all seated around the table. A sullen-looking Shandra stood in a corner. Dipper and Mabel sat side by side, and even though the table was round, they still somehow managed to be the center of attention. Pacifica slid into her seat between Gideon and her dad. 

All of the lights had been turned off, save for the electric candles. They gave the dining room table a faint glow and shrouded the rest of the room in shadows. Three light blue candles ( _real_ ones to Pacifica's surprise) stood in a triangular formation at the center of the table. Within the candles formation was a small bowl of tomato soup.

The guests murmured amongst themselves, mainly wondering why their plates were empty. Dipper and Mabel surveyed the guests. They didn't speak a word, but their furtive glances at one another hinted at an unspoken dialogue. Dipper picked up his fork and clinked it delicately against his glass.

Everyone fell silent and looked to the Telepathy Twins. Mabel did the talking. "Before we begin the meal, my brother and I would like to perform a demonstration."

Pacifica knew this part of the night. Her parents had told her Dipper and Mabel would be performing a condensed version of their show. Something about more emphasis on intimate effects - she'd been reeling over the news to remember the details. She'd already seen one of their shows at the Tent of Telepathy; surprising her after that spectacle was near impossible.

"Does everyone at this table believe in ghosts?"

But not completely impossible.

Robbie whispered, "Should we tell them about Fred?" Gideon shushed him.

"I ask because if any of you don't, you'll need to step away from the table," Mabel said.

Reverend McGucket silently got up and moved to a corner of the dining room. Shandra slipped eagerly into the vacant seat. Had Pacifica not been there, Gideon would have gotten up too. Nonetheless, he stayed on the edge of his seat, ready to make an exit.

Once everyone had settled back down, Mabel continued. "Thank you. You're all very lucky. Tonight you have the rare privilege of participating in a séance conducted by us."

The guests gasped. With one sentence, everything Pacifica had prepared for became useless. And that made her very worried. 

"We don't do this often," Dipper added. "But tonight we will communicate with a genuine spirit. And don't worry: Mabel and I will guide you through the entire process. For the spirits to flow into the space though, we need to be connected. Everyone join hands."

They did so. A spark of jealousy came over Mabel when she saw Gideon take Pacifica's hand, but she quickly batted it out. He would soon be hers anyways. 

The guests held hands, now connected in a large circle. Pacifica felt...  _something_  in the room.It might have been merely the power of suggestion. A shudder passed through Dipper and Mabel. "The spirits are active tonight," Mabel said.

"Now," Dipper said. "We need a singular spirit to summon. Someone who was close to the one of you."

Pacifica's left hand started trembling. She looked over at Gideon, his face white as hair, and saw his entire arm was shaking. Pacifica herself was on edge too. She didn't like how vague the twins were being. Suddenly she realized why Gideon was afraid. Someone close...  _they wouldn't_.

Mabel tilted her head, a playful smile on her face. To her, this was simply another game. And she _loved_ games. "Shy to speak? We'll find someone then."

Her eyes moved about the table, landing on each individual guest. She held hypnotic eye contact as if picking through each guest's brain the same way a child looked through a toy box. Some guests like Soos squirmed a little bit under her stare. Others like Shandra stared defiantly back without flinching. McGucket, despite not sitting at the table, deliberately looked away.

Then she focused on Gideon. By now, Gideon was shakier than a leaf. If this was a game, Mabel had just drawn an ace. "How about we summon... your mother?"

What little color Gideon had left drained from his face. "How _dare_ you."

"Why not?" Dipper interjected. "A close relative who passed away is a perfect candidate for-"

"Don't talk about my mom like she's something you pick out of a catalog!" Gideon said.

"Gideon, we'd never dream of talking about your mother that way," Mabel said, making her voice as soothing as possible. "But haven't you ever wondered what your mother wants to say to you? How she's doing? If she's happy wherever she is? Surely there must be at least one thing want to ask her."

Pacifica gawked at the twins' audacity. She felt Gideon's fingernails dig into her hand. She looked over and saw his mouth hanging open speechless. He choked out, "I..."

A fervor took over Mabel. She craved a connection to the supernatural, and combined with her need to impress Gideon, she didn't care if the other guests were uncomfortable. Mabel drew forward, her blue eyes piercing into Gideon's. "I can do it. I can bring your mother back if that's what you wish."

"You have no idea what I want!" Gideon snapped.

Mabel didn't understand. If she were Gideon's position, she'd have a thousand questions prepared for the séance. "If you're scared, don't be. I'm very experienced-"

"You think this is some kind of challenge!?" Gideon wrenched his hands out of the circle, breaking it. "I don't care about your experience! You can't bring my mom back!"

"Well, we have to pick someone to summon for the séance to work," Dipper said.

"Then pick someone else!"

Gideon stood up. The first time since the confrontation in the Tent of Telepathy, the cracks in Mabel's stage persona began to show. Losing a soulmate would do that to her. "Wait, you can't leave!"

He kicked his chair back. "Watch me!"

Gideon stormed out of the dining room leaving everyone in stunned silence. Mabel looked like she'd been slapped across the face. The only person halfway composed was Dipper, and even he couldn't conceal his surprise. Pacifica couldn't take her eyes away from Gideon's empty seat. The _nerve_ of the twins to... she needed to check on Gideon.

Attempting to bring the attention back to the himself and Mabel, Dipper said, "Well then. We'll have to find another spirit for the séance."

Pacifica let go of her dad's hand. "Screw the séance." She got to the door and stopped. After an entire evening of the twin's antics, she couldn't resist getting in one last word. "I hope you're happy," Pacifica said to them.

She didn't stick around for the twins' response. 

* * *

Gideon half-walked, half-ran through the Lumberjug. The warm bearskin rugs and cushy armchairs now felt suffocating. The sturdy logs seemed ready to topple and bury him alive. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think, and the only thing in his head was a primal urge to get as far away from that room as possible. Getting outside was the release that got him breathing again.

Gideon inhaled and exhaled slowly as he stepped away from the Lumberjug and into the empty lot. He sat down on the grass and began counting the stars. He whispered  _one, two, three_... and so on until he recognized a constellation. Then he started over. He forced his eyes to concentrate on the night sky. To think of only which number came next.

He heard Pacifica's voice behind him. "Hey."

He looked away from the sky and back to Pacifica. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, wanting to approach but waiting for an okay from Gideon.

"Hey, Paz."

Her words came rushing out like a flood. "I am so sorry about Dipper and Mabel. I should have stopped them- no, I shouldn't have let my parents invite them. I can't believe- scratch that, I _can_  believe they would be so insensitive. If only I'd... I'm sorry. God, I am so,  _so_ sorry."

"It's okay. I mean, I don't feel okay, but what happened wasn't your fault," Gideon said. "Dipper and Mabel can go suck a lemon."

"I'll buy the lemons," Pacifica offered.

She plopped down next to him. Gideon quietly focused back on the stars. Pacifica gripped handfuls of grass, twisting the blades then letting go. A few times she opened her mouth, but what she really wanted to say got stuck on the edge of her lips. She was scared of pushing Gideon back into that dark place Mabel had wrenched him into.

Finally, in a delicate whisper she said, "It’s been ten years, hasn’t it?"

"Almost."

Ten years since his mom had passed away. Three thousand six hundred and fifty-three days. When Gideon broke it down, the number didn't seem like a very big one. Not compared to three million. When he thought of all the other decades he had left in his life, ten years felt like an even smaller number.

"Does it still feel weird? Talking about her?" Pacifica said.

Gideon had never been able to clearly explain how it felt. Before he even knew how to talk, the absence of his mom hung over his family. He didn't always feel sad; most of the time he felt confused or frustrated. Whenever he saw Bud gaze too long at his wedding ring or when he met Pacifica's parents, he knew _something_ was missing. It was a blank space; the only problem was Gideon had nothing to fill it in with.

When Gideon turned five, Bud took him for ice cream and told him about the car crash. Between spoonfuls of strawberry pecan (with the nuts picked out), Gideon listened to Bud talk about someone who was essentially a stranger to him. Still, this stranger loved him, and even at five, Gideon realized that must mean something important. After the talk, Bud cried because of grief. Gideon cried because Bud cried.

That was how it worked, right? Crying lead to closure. And yet...

"It never stopped feeling weird."

Gideon leaned against Pacifica's shoulder, hit by the weight of their conversation. He'd never talked this seriously about his mom with Pacifica. Or anyone besides his dad. Even then, they hadn't talked about his mom like this in three years.

Their heart-to-heart was short-lived. Gideon and Pacifica heard a rumble from behind that sounded like a stampede. They stood up and saw the lights flickering in the Lumberjug. After blinking on and off several times, the Lumberjug went dark. 

"That's strange. Did Mom and Dad forget to pay the power bill again?" Pacifica wondered out loud.

They heard a crash of something heavy followed by a high-pitched scream. The lights came back on. A few seconds later, Dipper Pines ran out. He looked around frantically, his fists clenched and his forehead sweaty. Almost like he was showing... _real_ emotion?

If Dipper wanted sympathy, he shouldn't have come outside. Pacifica said irritability, "What do you want?"

Instead of throwing a biting remark to them, Dipper stumbled forward, his feet not quite knowing where to touch the ground. "Did you see her?"

"Who?" Pacifica said.

The question set something off in Dipper. He roughly gripped Pacifica by the shoulders and yelled, "MABEL! Did you see her!?"

"We haven't seen anyone!" Gideon said, pulling Pacifica out of Dipper's grasp.

Dipper backed away upon realizing Gideon and Pacifica couldn't help him. He began pacing across the lot, running his fingers through his hair. His meticulously slicked back hairdo became bushy and disheveled. "Oh, this is bad," he murmured to himself. "This is bad, this bad, this is bad..."

"What's going on?" Gideon said.

Dipper's pacing came to a halt. He stared glassy-eyed into the wide expanse of trees. A bolt of lightning flashed against the sky, followed by the low rumble of thunder. The first drops of rain began to fall.

"Mabel's vanished."

* * *

**GSV NBHGVIB YVTRMH, GSV XOFVH ZIV HVG, GIFHG ML LMV, ZMW KOZXV BLFI YVGH.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses on who the culprit is?
> 
> My pet name for this chapter is The Wheel of Character Development, because most of this chapter is spinning around to different characters and establishing personalities/motives. Sorry if this chapter felt kind of filler-y. There were just so many characters to introduce and so many hints to drop. The first chapter always feels like setup then the second one has a lot more action. Don't worry, there's a ton of action in chapter 2! And mystery!
> 
> I kind of fell in love with the idea that the Northwests are all trapped in different decades style-wise (Pacifica in the 80s, Preston in the 70s, and Priscilla in the 60s). Terrible fashion sense just runs in the family. And yay, Pacifica gets loving parents in one universe!


	2. Squirreled Away

The rain pounded against the Lumberjug. Only ten minutes had passed since Dipper ran outside, but it felt like hours. All the guests sat in the lounge, each picking a spot conspicuously apart from everyone else. Tension bubbled between the quick glances and wary silence. They all had questions, but they were all too afraid to voice them.

_Where did Mabel go?_

_Am I sitting in the room with the person who took her?_

_What if I'm next?_

Gideon and Pacifica stood in front of everyone as the only people who hadn't witnessed Mabel's disappearance. "Okay," Gideon said. "Someone run me and Paz through what happened during the séance."

No one made a move to speak up. At first. Then after a few seconds of silence, the room erupted with noise.

"It wasn't me!"

"Mabel was sitting next to Dipper and then the lights went out!"

"I wasn't sitting near Mabel!"

"I was sitting near Mabel, but I didn't do it!"

Pacifica pulled out the whistle she got from Shop Thrifty and blew it. The shrill sound pierced through the shouts and cries, silencing the room once again. "Clearly a lot happened," she said with an overwhelmed sigh. Everyone's eyes were on her, waiting for direction. "Um... can you guys tell us one at a time?"

"We're wasting time," Dipper said, his bangs covering his birthmark. He had made an attempt to smooth his hair back down, but without hair gel, it was a hopeless cause. "We need to call the police!"

The word _police_ got Preston jumping up toward the door. "Now let's not get too hasty! There's no need to call the police just yet!"

"You don't get to decide that!" Dipper snapped back. He stood up, but Stan's firm hand grabbed his shoulder, sitting him back down.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Mr. Plaid here," Stan said.

Dipper physically recoiled from his great uncle. "Are you serious!?"

"Look, I'm worried about Mabel too. Let's be honest, Dipper here isn't capable of a one-man show." Dipper scowled - whether out of regret or jealousy Pacifica couldn't tell. "But the police complicate things. Always do. So I say we look around, see if Mabel's not off catching butterflies somewhere, _then_ we call them."

"Not to mention the police will sanction off this entire area. I can get much better material without them around," Shandra said. Heads turned toward her, shock and disgust plain on their faces. "What? A good reporter's always doing her job. Especially during emotional crises."

Trying to bring the conversation back to the crime at hand, Gideon said, "Look, we're going to figure this out."

"Yeah, let the kids figure it out! They look like they got brains." Stan squinted at Gideon and Pacifica. "Well, maybe the short one does. Not so sure about Blondie."

"If that was a blonde joke, I'm ignoring it," Pacifica said.

"How do we know  _you two_ weren't involved in Mabel's disappearance?" Shandra questioned.

"Oh dudes!" Soos said. "What if this is like one of those detective stories where the detective questions all the suspects but then the  _detective_ turns out to be the culprit?"

Whispers rippled through the lounge speculating on Soos and Shandra's suggestions. Pacifica couldn't believe how fast everyone had considered it. Then again, Gideon and Pacifica both had reasonable motives.

But so did everyone else.

"Dipper ran outside to us right after the disappearance. There wouldn't have been enough time for us make Mabel disappear, store her away somewhere, run around to the front of the house, and then come in and talk to everyone," Pacifica explained as calmly as she could. It was the truth, but she couldn't stop her legs from shaking.

"Also, those detective stories are really overdone!" Gideon added.

That seemed to calm everyone down for the moment. However, only a few seconds later, the questions started back up again. "If we aren't going to call the police, what  _are_ we going to do?" Reverend McGucket asked.

"Are we gonna have to give statements?" Wendy said, sliding to the edge of her seat. Robbie gave her a look, and she relaxed a little bit.

Gideon said, "We're going to..." but trailed off when seeing the expectant faces of the other guests. He pulled Pacifica to a corner of the lounge. "What the heck are we supposed to do!?"

"You read Betty Jupiter, not me! I'm making this up as I go along," Pacifica whispered.

What _would_ Betty Jupiter do? She'd probably find a secret passageway in the Lumberjug that would lead to an underground bunker containing a lost will or priceless heirloom. And somewhere along the way she'd confront the culprit and chase him down. Of course, Gideon didn't know who the culprit was, and he was pretty sure the Lumberjug had no underground bunkers. Maybe they should just start with the scene of the crime.

"We should take a look at the dining room. That _was_ where Mabel disappeared," Gideon said.

"Works for me." Gideon and Pacifica faced the guests again. "Can we see the, uh... crime scene?" Pacifica said. Referring to her dining room as a crime scene felt weird. Crime scenes were dark alleys and seedy motels. Not the place where she'd dumped a bowl of spaghetti on her head and chased her parents around the table.

When no one volunteered, Dipper stepped forward. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

The three kids walked solemnly into the dining room. Gideon flipped the light switch on, casting the dining room in unnatural brightness compared to the dim candlelight from earlier. The room looked exactly as the guests had left it. Chairs had been overturned, and the silverware was all over the place. The bowl of tomato soup had also tipped over. Gideon knew the bright red stain on the table was just the soup, but his mind still went to grislier scenarios.

"This is it," Dipper said as if giving a tour of the house instead of showing a crime scene. "This is where it... happened."

Gideon and Pacifica began investigating the dining room. Gideon examined every inch of the room. Pacifica went more quickly, knowing how to spot anything that looked off in her own house. She got to the chair Mabel sat in. It had been pushed back like Mabel had stood up before her disappearance.

She asked Dipper, "Would anyone have moved Mabel's chair?"

Dipper shrugged. He'd stayed near the door with his arms crossed. Something about that blank expression on his face put Pacifica off. Even his smallest movements were disjointed like he didn't have complete control over his body.

Gideon noticed too. He did feel some sympathy for Dipper, even with past circumstances in mind. Still, Dipper was so composed. If it were Pacifica, Gideon would be running around the Lumberjug yelling at anyone who'd listen. Gideon hesitantly approached Dipper and said, "You know, it's okay to be a little emotional."

"Being emotional isn't going to find Mabel," Dipper said coldly.

Gideon backed away. Dipper wasn't exactly the most expressive person in Gravity Falls, but his demeanor was unnerving. Without Mabel, Dipper seemed disconnected. One half that didn't know how to function without the other. Gideon couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

He looked over at Pacifica who was inspecting the soup stain. If she'd heard the exchange between Dipper and Gideon, she didn't show it. 

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Dipper said, "If you don't need me, I'm going back to the lounge." As Dipper's hand closed around the doorknob, Gideon motioned for Pacifica to say something. She mouthed a confused  _What?_ and Gideon pointed to Dipper.

"Hey Dipper." She put a hand on his shoulder out of instinct. Her mom did the same thing whenever Pacifica was upset. "We'll find Mabel."

Dipper's already stiff frame tensed even more at human touch, causing Pacifica to draw her hand back. He looked back at her briefly but long enough for Pacifica to see the worry lines around his eyes. "You'd better."

Typical. The one time Pacifica tried to be nice, and Dipper brushed her off. As she watched Dipper go, she thought about what could possibly be going on in his head? She didn't expect him to fall at her feet with praises, but a simple  _Thank you_ would have been nice. She shouldn't have expected so much from the boy who threw knives at her.

Pacifica shut the door behind her. "Okay, Detective Gideon," she said. "What do you think happened here?"

"Well, Detective Paz... I don't know. Who would want Mabel to disappear?" Gideon wondered.

Pacifica scoffed. "Who wouldn't?"

Gideon thought about it more. The Telepathy Twins had only been in town for a week. Was that even enough time for someone to develop a grudge against Mabel? Who would have a reason to hate her anyways? When the spotlight was on Mabel, she behaved perfectly. Gideon and Pacifica were the only townspeople who knew what she was really like when the lights switched off.

At least that's what Gideon had assumed. What if someone else in Gravity Falls had figured out the Telepathy Twins weren't all that they seemed? Pacifica knew the people of Gravity Falls better than he did. "Can you think of anyone here tonight who'd gain something from Mabel disappearing?"

"Shandra," Pacifica said immediately. "One time, she 'accidentally' knocked over a crate of circus termites during the Lumberjack Festival. She wouldn't be above kidnapping if she could get a good story."

"Anyone else?"

Pacifica thought hard. "I guess anyone who'd want bad business for the Lumberjug. So Lazy Susan, Reverend McGucket... Wendy doesn't actively want that but she'd get a kick out of the Lumberjug shutting down. And knowing Robbie, he'd go along with it even if he didn't agree with her."

"And Dipper doesn't like you either!" Gideon said.

"No kidding," Pacifica muttered. "I don't think we're narrowing our suspect list down."

"Darn it, you're right." Gideon looked around the dining room. "I'm not even sure where could someone have taken Mabel from here."

There were two doors in the dining room: one to the foyer and one to the kitchen. Coincidentally, the backdoor was in the kitchen. That seemed like the more likely exit given Pacifica and Gideon were out in the front. Gideon walked toward the door to the kitchen but stopped when he heard a strange noise coming from under the table.

"Paz, do you hear that?" he said. Pacifica listened. It was a _scratch, scratch_ sound, barely audible but definitely in the room.

Gideon and Pacifica quietly crouched down in front of the table. They looked back and forth at each other to the mysterious scratching noise. Gideon nodded to Pacifica.

She threw the tablecloth back revealing... a squirrel. A fluffy, harmless squirrel.

"...Is this supposed to be a clue?" Gideon said.

The squirrel scurried to a corner of the dining room. "I'll get a broom," Pacifica said.

Had Dipper and Mabel summoned a squirrel instead of ghost? The idea made Gideon chuckle- although remembering Mabel was missing quickly made him stop. Broom in hand, Pacifica came in and said, "There were two more squirrels in the kitchen. How weird is that?"

Weird indeed. Gideon said, "I think we should start interrogating the witnesses."

"You mean the guests?"

"It sounds cooler if we call them witnesses!" Gideon insisted. "Maybe we can figure out what happened during the séance if we hear what happened."

"Got it," Pacifica said. "Mabel's gotta be somewhere in Gravity Falls."

The question was _where_. Soos had been right about one thing: this was shaping up to be a good old-fashioned detective story. One missing person. Ten suspects. Two detectives. The only problem was the detectives had no idea what they were doing.

* * *

Gideon and Pacifica herded everyone out into the foyer then fashioned a makeshift interrogation room out of the lounge. Strangely enough, they encountered another squirrel while moving the furniture around. This one was nestled against the window. After shooing the squirrel outside, Gideon and Pacifica brought in their first suspect.

Dipper sat in front of a coffee table with a lamp shining directly in his eyes. The lamp was Gideon's idea. Gideon stood beside Pacifica with a notebook. Pacifica sat directly across from Dipper, a steely-eyed look of determination on her face. "Okay, Dipper, if that even is your real name-" 

"It’s not," he said.

Gideon jotted _Secret identity?_ under Dipper's suspect page. 

"What were you doing at the time of the disappearance?" Pacifica said.

And so the interrogations began. Gideon and Pacifica had a prepared set of questions for each suspect. Going through the questions, a haphazard narrative began to form.

Dipper stated, "After Gideon's... outburst, Mabel and I settled on summoning the lumberjack that got struck by lightning..."

"...Of course I told them about the lumberjack!" Preston said after Pacifica chewed him out. "What's a séance without a spirit? Our reputation would be ruined if this dinner party was bad. Or worse:  _dull_. After that..."

"...We all held hands again," Priscilla said, twirling a stray lock of hair. "Of course, you two weren't there, so our circle was a bit awkward. Do you kids want snacks? I can make you snacks!"

Several minutes later, Gideon and Pacifica continued the interrogation, now munching on peanut brittle. They brought Robbie in. "When the lights started flickering, I thought it was all part of the act. Oh, and I was holding hands with Wendy. Did I mention that?"

"I was holding hands with Robbie. I mentioned that, right?" Wendy said. Gideon wrote down  _Important???_ "So yeah. Mabel looked nervous. Like she's  _never_ looked that nervous, especially when she's performing. And Lazy Susan had come in from the bar..."

"...I was curious. Not like we were bustling with customers," Lazy Susan said. "I didn't see anything anyways. The kids' grandfather looked shady though..."

"...All I'm saying is, if I were gonna make someone disappear, I wouldn’t do it like this!" Stan said. "Too many witnesses. Sure, I could kidnap Mabel for ransom, but I'm already making money off her! It's probably all part of her and Dipper's act..."

"...This was  _not_ planned," Dipper said. "When the lights went out, I felt Mabel's hand get wrenched out of mine. She screamed, and then..."

"...Mabel screamed. I think Dipper screamed too," Robbie said. "It was hard to tell which person was who since they were both really hitch-pitched. There was this vibrating on the floor, like an earthquake or something..."

"...There _was_ a strange vibration," McGucket mused. "Now I don’t condone forays into the supernatural, so I was off to the side. I watched the Pines twins conduct the séance..." 

"...And McGucket was like weirdly focused on the séance," Wendy said. "You'd think he saw a ghost! I wish we'd seen a ghost..."

"...The lights weren't even out very long," Lazy Susan said. "I don't know what it is about darkness that gets everyone so spooked. It couldn't have been more than thirty seconds..."

"...The lights were out for at least five minutes!" Shandra said. "If I could have had my camera with me, I might have been able to catch the disappearance. Luckily, I've written everything down for my story-"

"Question," Gideon interrupted. "Do you like squirrels?"

"They're rats with bushy tails," Shandra replied. "Can we get back to my story? I was thinking about how the power outage would add some spice to my article..."

"...You can't prove anything!" Soos slammed his fist on the table with a wild look in his eyes. "I'm innocent! Innocent!"

Gideon and Pacifica exchanged baffled looks. "Soos, we don't think you did anything," Gideon said.

Soos laughed. "Sorry, I've always wanted to do that! I guess I'm supposed to give a statement now? Okay, the lights came back on and at first everything was normal..."

"...I saw Mabel was gone," McGucket said. "You know Preston didn't seem particularly surprised..."

"...I thought it was all part of the act!" Preston said. "They do magic tricks! Disappearing is a magic trick..."

"...First of all, they're not tricks, they're  _illusions_ ," Dipper said. "Anyone who tells you otherwise is an amateur. And Mabel disappearing was  _not_ an illusion..."

"...Then her twin brother ran out," Priscilla said. "He looked very upset..."

"...I didn't know Dipper could show real emotion until now," Wendy said. "Of course, he could be faking it..."

"...Dipper doesn't have the chops to pull off acting that well!" Stan said. "No offense to the boy, but Mabel's the one naturally inclined to show business. The twin thing just helps sell tickets. Say, do you kids wanna buy..."

"...This is just like a crime novel I'm writing," Shandra said. "Only in my novel the main character's a young underappreciated reporter..."

"...So if you guys can't find out who did it are we gonna call the police?" Robbie said. "Cause I don't know if my parents are comfortable with me being questioned without a lawyer..."

"...I could really go for a churro right now," Soos said. "Is it cool if I..."

"...And that's why I don't trust mayonnaise!" Priscilla said. When Gideon and Pacifica didn't respond, she said. "So how's the investigation going?"

They looked at each other and groaned.

* * *

Leaving the guests to their own devices, Gideon and Pacifica convened in the bar for some privacy. "So who do you think did it?" Pacifica asked.

"I think..." Gideon said. Pacifica waited expectantly for an answer and a neat explanation that would solve everything. Gideon buckled. "I don't know! I thought if we talked to everyone, we'd just _know_ who did it!"

"I thought so too, but no one's stories matched up." Pacifica took a swig of grape juice from a whiskey glass. "Oh my god, what if they  _all_ did it?"

Gideon didn't think so, but as far as he knew, Pacifica's theory could be right. "Maybe we should just call the police. How are we supposed to find Mabel? We don't have... you hear that?"

They both heard the sound of paws scratching against wood. Pacifica leaned over the counter and saw yet another squirrel grabbing cashews from a jar.

"Again with the squirrels!" Pacifica said. "Maybe we should call an exterminator."

"Hold on..." Gideon hopped up and went back into the dining room. They'd found a squirrel under the table right around where Mabel and Dipper sat. Gideon grabbed an empty soup can and placed it in the same area.

Where else had they seen squirrels? Gideon scooped up more soup cans, and began going through the entire Lumberjug. Anywhere they'd seen a squirrel, Gideon put down a soup can. The fireplace, the counter in the bar, the big window in the lounge... Gideon placed soup can after soup can, his brow furrowed in concentration.

Pacifica trailed behind him. "Uh, Gideon? You gonna fill me in on your soup parade?"

"Look," Gideon said.

Pacifica retraced the soup cans. Funny how they lined up - if she took a sharpie to the floor, it would be like connecting the dots. Wait a minute. "These soup cans form a path!"

"Exactly! And the one last place we saw a squirrel was..." Gideon dramatically threw open the kitchen door and set down the last soup can. "The back door!"

"Eureka!" Pacifica fist-pumped the air. "Now what does it mean?"

That was where Gideon was stumped. The excessive squirrel sightings were definitely an anomaly, but why would an army of squirrels take Mabel? Was that even plausible? Gideon checked the journal: no mention of supernatural squirrels. With no other leads, he pushed open the back door. His eyes widened.

"I think we need to follow the squirrels," Gideon said.

"Follow the huh?" Pacifica looked out the back door. " _Oh_."

More squirrels were scattered outside the Lumberjug, forming a jagged line into the woods. The squirrels idly cavorted with each other. There was nothing outright threatening about them, and Gideon wasn't sure they even had the brainpower to kidnap Mabel. But it was the only real lead they had. The woods sat the edge of the Northwests lot for anyone who dared enter.

"Looks like we're going back out in the woods," Gideon said. Why couldn't they go somewhere nice and well-lit for once, like a pool or convenience store?

"Wait." Pacifica ran out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, she came back with the banjo from Shop Thrift. "Just in case."

"In case what!? Mabel's been kidnapped by hillbillies?" Gideon said skeptically.

"Say what you will, but I've got a good feeling about this banjo." Pacifica slung the banjo across her back. "Now let's go follow some squirrels."

* * *

Into the woods they went. The storm had passed, and the woods smelled fresh of rainfall. Gideon and Pacifica's shoes squelched against the muddy grass. They stayed close to each other; even the tiniest gust of wind kept them on edge. The squirrels served as Gideon and Pacifica's trail of breadcrumbs. Hopefully a witch's house didn't await them at the end.

Gideon forgot that when weren’t out to kill him, they could be...  _pleasant_. Wherever these squirrels were leading them, they were surrounded by whimsical toadstools and wildflowers. If the squirrels burst into song, he wouldn’t be surprised.

Adding to the charm, the trees began to arch around Gideon and Pacifica. They formed a strange otherworldly tunnel illuminated by fireflies. Even if the squirrel path had petered out, the woods forced them to go on this way.

They had to be close to _something_. Whether it was something good or bad, Gideon didn't know. Any minute now- he stopped in his tracks. "Do you hear someone?"

Pacifica heard two someones. They were speaking in heated tones with no concern about volume. Unless Gravity Falls had secret talking squirrels, the voices ruled out any less humanoid creatures could be involved in Mabel's disappearance. Gideon and Pacifica inched closer.

"-we made a deal!"

"No dice! Not until we have our queen!"

That first voice sounded familiar. Gideon looked to Pacifica to see if she had the same thought. Locking eyes with him, Pacifica confirmed it: that squeaky puberty voice had to be Dipper's. The second voice was still a mystery. It sounded male and possibly older than Dipper.

But why was Dipper out in the woods? Was he looking for Mabel on his own... or was he involved in her disappearance?

They'd have to get closer to find out. Gideon walked forward, but Pacifica caught him by his vest. She put a finger to her lips and pointed to the side of the trees. Gideon wanted to kick himself; no smart detective would approach a suspicious area directly. They tiptoed into the trees, letting the branches hit them. Too much movement in the trees and whoever was talking might hear them.

After a small trek uphill, the trees started to open up. Gideon and Pacifica crouched behind some toadstools. They peered down into a clearing. Two figures stood there. The first voice did indeed belong to Dipper. "I promised you a queen, didn't I?" he said to a small man standing on top of a tree stump.

"Am I crazy or is Dipper talking to a decorative lawn gnome?" Pacifica whispered.

He  _did_ look like a lawn decoration- this was Gravity Falls. He probably _was_ a gnome. Gideon consulted the journal. A few page turns later, he found it. "That  _is_ a gnome! We must be in Gnome Man's Land!"

"Keep your voice down! This is no time for puns!" Pacifica said.

Suddenly, Dipper turned to their direction. Gideon and Pacifica ducked down. "Did you hear something?"

"If I did, it sure as heck wasn't wedding vows!" the little gnome said emphatically. His face was as red as his hat. Instead of angry though, he looked adorable.

A few seconds passed, and Dipper relaxed. He continued. "Jeff, I told you this is a delicate situation. If I don't handle this with extreme precision, then your queen won't come. And you don't want that any more than I do."

"Of course not!" the gnome called Jeff said. Odd name for a gnome, Pacifica thought. "But when you said you had a replacement for your sister, I didn't think it would take this long!"

Gideon and Pacifica held back gasps. Pacifica had a horrible feeling about who that, "replacement" was supposed to be.

"I just want to make sure Mabel's all right," Dipper said.

"You get your sister back when we get our queen!" Jeff said, stamping his tiny foot.

Safe behind the toadstool, Pacifica murmured, "So the  _gnomes_ took Mabel."

"But why would they..." Gideon looked through the journal. "Of course! 'Little men of the Gravity Falls forest. The gnomes, a mysterious yet annoying group of creatures, operate with a queen.' Dipper must have found out Mabel was taken by gnomes, and now he's trying to make a trade!"

"Gideon, we need to get out of here," Pacifica said.

Eyes glued to the journal, Gideon said, "Hold on, let me see if there's anything in here about gnome weaknesses-"

"No, we need to go  _now_."

"Just a second-"

"Gideon, if Dipper's trying to find a replacement queen, who do you think he's picked out!?" Pacifica said.

_Twang!_

Gideon and Pacifica froze in terror. A squirrel had climbed onto the banjo and its paws were caught in the strings. There was a moment of serenity between the sound of the banjo and Dipper registering where it came from. It was long enough for Gideon and Pacifica to realize how much they were done for. The squirrel fared the best of everyone in the situation.

"Maybe Dipper will assume the gnomes like bluegrass," Pacifica whispered.

Dipper did not. He looked to the hill, and seeing Pacifica, he said, "Jeff, I'd like you to meet your new queen."

"All right, boys!" Jeff clapped his hands. "Let the marriage ceremony commence!"

Hundreds of gnomes emerged from the trees and surrounded Gideon and Pacifica. What they lacked in size they made up for in sheer numbers. Pacifica grabbed the banjo like a baseball bat. If Dipper thought she was doing down without a fight, he was gravely mistaken.

Fortunately for Dipper, he had an entire army of gnomes on his side.

"Subdue them."

The gnomes charged forward. Despite being small and adorable, the gnomes clawed viciously at Gideon and Pacifica. Pacifica batted as many gnomes away as possible until two gnomes grabbed the banjo and threw it against a tree. It broke at the neck.

"No!" Pacifica cried. They kept fighting, but the gnomes kept coming in waves. Little by little, the gnomes overpowered Gideon and Pacifica, tiny hands wrapping around their arms and legs. Soon enough, the gnomes had them completely immobilized. They brought them down to the clearing.

Dipper approached the restrained Gideon and Pacifica, clapping sarcastically. "Splendid detective work. You're a couple of Betty Jupiters."

"You read Betty Jupiter?" Gideon said out of genuine curiosity.

"No!" Dipper said defensively.

Struggling against the gnomes' grasp, Pacifica said, "So you were behind this entire thing!?"

"I was wondering when you'd figure it out," Dipper said. "You two  _were_ taking a lot more time than I thought you would. I almost had the gnomes go back and fetch you."

"Why didn't you?" Pacifica asked.

"You looked like you were having so much fun. I didn't want to spoil the mystery," Dipper said. Pacifica would do anything to wipe that smug grin off Dipper's face. He probably saw all this as some sick, twisted magic trick.

"Wait," Gideon said. "How did you figure out the gnomes had taken Mabel?"

"A few days ago, Mabel ran into some gnomes near our tent. And I know what you're doing." Dipper tilted Gideon's chin up so they were eye-to-eye. "You think knowing how I pulled this ruse off will somehow get you out of your current predicament. I can assure you it won't."

"Let go of him," Pacifica growled.

The contained fury in her voice drew Dipper's attention away from Gideon. He went over to Pacifica. "Don't look so angry. After all, it is your wedding day." She spat at him. Dipper scowled and wiped the spit off his shirt. "I pity the fool who ends up marrying you."

"Wait, if Mabel really was taken by the gnomes, where is she now?" Gideon said.

"Right here, snowflake."

The gnomes parted, and a very calm, very alive Mabel Pines sauntered into the clearing. Gideon gasped. "You were  _both_ in on this! And the dinner party must have been the perfect opportunity to get me and Pacifica captured by gnomes!"

"Just Pacifica, actually," Mabel corrected. Pacifica let out a noise of disgust. Mabel smiled sweetly at her. "We had the entire show planned out: we'd hold the séance, the lights would go out, and in the madness, the gnomes would swoop in and grab her. Unfortunately,  _you_ went outside. Then Pacifica missed her cue."

"Well, I am  _so_ sorry I ruined your show," Pacifica said sarcastically. "Next time I'll make sure the gnomes kidnap me on schedule!"

"It doesn't matter now. You two walked right back into our plan," Dipper said. "Which is a miracle given how much you threw the plan off."

"The biggest miracle was Dipper's acting," Mabel said snidely. Dipper didn't comment. But something about the way he planted himself between Mabel and gnomes suggested it wasn't entirely "acting" he'd been doing.

Pacifica couldn't believe the two of them. It was bad enough that they'd been playing her right from the start. Worse: they'd been playing her _family_. That was something she could not forgive. "Your plan worked. Big whoop. I'm not marrying the gnomes!"

"Hey, being married to all one thousand of us isn't so bad!" one of the gnomes holding Pacifica said.

"Yeah!" Jeff said. "I mean, us gnomes have our weird habits like using squirrels to bathe, but we can work around that!"

Pacifica grimaced. "You  _bathe_ with squirrels? First of all, ew." Gross as it sounded though, Jeff's comment cleared up the final piece of the mystery. "That was why there were so many squirrels around my house!" 

"Or you simply have a vermin problem," Mabel said. She laughed. "What am I saying?  _Your_  familylives there. You already have a vermin problem!"

"How about you say that when I'm not being held down by gnomes?" Pacifica said. She tried to break free again, but the gnomes' grip held firm.

Mabel ignored Pacifica's challenge, instead staring dreamily into the forest. "That reminds me..." She turned to the gnomes. "I believe you have something of mine." One of the gnomes scampered forward with Mabel's headband. She put the headband on with the ease of sliding into a comfy pair of shoes. The gem on her headband glowed, and with it, her eyes got the tiniest bit bluer. "I feel brand new."

Observing the brilliance of his plan one final time, Dipper said, "Well, I think we're done here."

"You're just gonna leave us here!?" Gideon said.

Mabel smiled fondly at him. "Oh Gideon, I'd be happy to ask the gnomes to let _you_ go." She grabbed him by his vest so that they were only centimeters apart. "If you agree to be mine."

"No way!"

She dropped the smile and let go of him. "Then enjoy the wedding."

Dipper brushed nonexistent dirt off his shirt and pushed his hair back. "Now if you'll excuse us, we need to get back to the Lumberjug so Mabel can make her, 'miraculous' return. We might even get some people to cry."

"They'd better cry," Mabel said. She joined Dipper and smirked at Pacifica. "I'll send a wedding present in the mail."

The Telepathy Twins slipped away leaving Gideon and Pacifica with the gnomes and a major case of cold feet. Ignorant to their fear, Jeff said. "All right! Now that we're done with that mix-up, let's get this show on the road!"

"I am not getting married!" Pacifica said.

"You don't get a say in this, human!" Jeff said as a gnome brought out some wedding rings. "We need a queen and you fit-"

"Wait," Gideon said. "What if  _I_ became your queen?"

"Gideon, what are you doing?" Pacifica whispered.

"Trying to buy you some time," Gideon whispered back. "You're a faster runner than me. You might be able to get help and come back before they finish the wedding ceremony."

"That's a terrible idea!"

Jeff however was intrigued by Gideon's proposal. "You do have beautiful white hair."

"And his skin is soft!" one of the gnomes holding Gideon added much to his discomfort.

The gnomes let go of Pacifica and corralled Gideon up to Jeff. Pacifica rushed toward Gideon, but several of the gnomes hissed at her, baring razor sharp teeth. She backed away helplessly to the fringes of the clearing. She was free, but what good was it? She couldn't just leave Gideon to the mercy of a thousand gnomes.

With the gnomes holding Gideon in place, Jeff began, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bring two souls together in holy matrignomy- matrimony. We like puns! You'll have to get used to that!"

Gideon yelled back to Pacifica. "I told you, get help! I'll be fine!"

"No one can help us! I'm not leaving you behind!" Pacifica said.

Jeff continued, "If anyone objects to this union-"

"I object!" Pacifica interrupted. "I object so now the marriage is off-"

"Anyone  _other than humans_ ," Jeff said.

"What!?" Pacifica said. "You made that up!"

Jeff ignored her. "Do we take this lovely white-haired human to be our lawfully wedded queen?" The gnomes nodded in agreement and cheered. "All right, general consensus is we do so great!"

"You have to listen to me!" Pacifica yelled.

"And do you- what's your name again?" Jeff asked Gideon.

"Uh..." Gideon spotted a tree. "Leaf."

"Do you, Leaf, take all one thousand of us to be your lawfully wedded gnome husbands?" Before Gideon could answer, Jeff said, "I don't hear a no so we're gonna take that as a yes! One last time, are there any objections to this union?"

"Yes! I have objections! I have many objections!" Pacifica shouted. It was no good. The gnomes intentionally weren't listening to her. She'd either have to fight them all off or find something impossible to ignore to get their attention.

Then it hit her: she had the pig whistle from Shop Thrifty in her pocket.

"Then I now pronounce you gnome and-"

Pacifica pulled out the whistle and blew. Pandemonium erupted amongst the gnomes as the high-pitched whistle tore through the woods. The gnomes collapsed to the ground and put their hands over their ears. Anyone passing by would have thought (amongst other things like "Gnomes exist!?") that the world was ending.

"What is that ungodly sound!?" one gnome cried.

"The end is upon us!" another one said. He doubled over and vomited a rainbow.

Gideon watched all the chaos unfold with flabbergasted astonishment. "What do you know? It works on gnomes too," he said to himself.

Pacifica blew the whistle once more sending all the gnomes cowering at her feet. She climbed on top of the tree stump. "Listen up, gnomes! There will be no marriage today! Or ever!"

"Whatever you say! We'll do your bidding! Just please don't make that noise again!" Jeff pleaded. He started bowing at Pacifica's feet and the others followed suit. "How can we serve you Your Majesty, the most terrifying queen we've ever seen?"

"For starters, you can get rid of that dumb queen tradition!" Pacifica said. "Don't you guys know what year it is? We don't use a monarchy anymore. Can't you guys nominate like a president or something?"

"You mean pick someone based on a general consensus that they're competent to govern a society?" one gnome said.

"Pretty much, yeah," Pacifica replied.

The gnomes murmured amongst themselves about this revolutionary new idea. Gideon took the opportunity to stand on the stump with Pacifica. Jeff spoke up, "What if we don't like the president we pick?"

"Then you elect a new president!" Gideon said.

"An interesting idea." Jeff stroked his beard. "That sounds like a lot of work though... are you sure you don't wanna be our queen?" Pacifica threatened to blow the whistle again. "Okay! Okay! We can take a hint!"

Pacifica, still brandishing the whistle, stepped down off the stump. "Now we're gonna go, you're  _not_ gonna follow us, and you _will_ stop this entire queen business."

"Yes, Your Majesty- I mean yes sir!" Jeff saluted Gideon and Pacifica, having learned a valuable life lesson about forced marriages and democracy. "All right, gnomes, I nominate myself for president!"

"I nominate this squirrel!" The gnome held his candidate up.

"Schmebulock!" the gnome known as Schmebulock said.

"That's terrible reasoning to nominate that candidate!" another gnome argued.

As the gnomes reshaped their entire society, Gideon and Pacifica took off before they changed their mind. Pacifica breathed a sigh of relief when the edge of the woods came into view. The first rays of daylight were appearing over the horizon. She hadn't realized this ordeal had lasted the entire night. Once she got back home, she was sleeping the rest of the day.

"You think everyone's still at the party?" Gideon said.

"If Dipper and Mabel are milking up the attention, I'd bet yes," Pacifica said bitterly. The Telepathy Twins probably thought they were in the clear. As they emerged from the woods, an idea formed in Pacifica's mind. "Say, how do you feel about making a dramatic entrance?"

* * *

**7 1-3-4-24-26-3-18-7-6 18-23-2-18-6 13-17-7-1-1-8-5 24-7 7-1-13-6-12-1-20-20 23-5 24-26-11 8-2-1-10-24-15-16-23-13-16 5-21-7-8-1 19-24 24-18-10-17-22-11-11 19-15-24-16-11**

* * *

Back at the Lumberjug, the guests flocked around Mabel with Dipper right by her side. Mabel played the part perfectly. She even added a few tears (not enough for her makeup to run, of course). "I'm just so thankful Dipper found me," Mabel sniffled. "I don't know how I would have found my way out of the forest."

"We couldn't have known the spirits would be so wrathful," Dipper said. When giving an explanation, Stan had taught Dipper that less was always more. As long as he gave them a hint, the guests would fill in the gaps as to how Mabel was spirited away. That meant less explaining for him and less people poking holes in his story. Besides, the only two people who would bother were taken care of.

That left a throng of sympathetic people cooing over Mabel's "bravery." Except one person. Robbie pointed out, "That's great you found your sister, but Gideon and Pacifica are still out in the woods."

Mabel put a hand to her chest, even throwing in a small gasp. "Oh dear, I hope they're alright."

Dipper eyed Robbie with uncertainty. Did he know something was off? He couldn't. Still, something about the suspicion in Robbie's voice twisted Dipper's stomach. "I'm sure they're fine," Dipper lied. "Just lost."

"We weren't lost."

Heads turned toward the front door. For the first time in a very long time, Mabel had been upstaged. Even worse, she'd been upstaged by a talentless bleach blonde valley girl who should have been married off to a thousand gnomes by now.

But against all odds here she was. Standing in the doorway against the sunrise were Pacifica, Gideon, and a distinctive lack of gnomes. They were covered in dirt and twigs, but aside from a few cuts and scratches, they were fine. Too fine. Pacifica smirked straight at Dipper and held up a whistle.

"Amazing what you find in the woods, isn't it Dipdop?" she said. Dipper paled.

"Pacifica Elise Northwest," Preston said sternly. "Do you realize what time it is? The party has ended!"

It was over. Dipper could see it now. He could grab Mabel and make a quick exit. If they got back to the Tent of Telepathy now, they could get out of Gravity Falls before the town turned on them. Clearly relishing the attention of the guests, Pacifica said. "We wanted to get back to the party, Dad. The thing is, while we were looking for Mabel, we found something pretty interesting in the forest-"

Before she could finish, Mabel grabbed her by the wrist and smothered her in a hug. "Thank goodness you're safe!"

Mabel held Pacifica close long enough for Dipper to notice she whispered something in Pacifica's ear. Whatever it was, Pacifica turned white as a sheet. When Mabel pulled away, Pacifica stuffed the whistle in her pocket. She didn't say a word.

"It's been a long night," Dipper said. "My sister needs to rest so we can perform tomorrow."

The Pines exchanged goodbyes with the hosts (who urged them to come back for another visit), with Pacifica and Gideon hanging back. Soon enough, they were in Stan's red mustang speeding away from the Lumberjug. To Dipper's disappointment, Wendy had decided to get a ride back with Robbie. He sat in the backseat with Mabel. He looked back to the shrinking Lumberjug, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Dipper felt a gentle tug in his head. It was an invitation from Mabel to speak in a more private setting. He didn't mind speaking out loud right now; Stan didn't care what they did as long as they got up on stage. The driver -Dipper thought his name might be Soos- seemed too dumb to notice.

"They escaped the gnomes," Dipper said to Mabel. "I want to know how."

Mabel frowned. "You don't think...?"

"I don't know." Dipper pulled out Journal 2. There was no mention of gnomes in this one or the first journal, and even he'd had to wrangle for a solution to get rid of them. How did two magic-less kids escape?

"I suppose you'll want to investigate," Mabel said.

"I need to." Dipper looked back once more at the Lumberjug, now a pinprick on the horizon. As much as he despised Gideon and the Northwest girl, the prospect of a real mystery was tantalizing. He hadn't had a good one in such a long time.

"So if you want to investigate," a playful smile formed on Mabel's lips, "maybe it's time we bring _him_ back out."

"Not yet," Dipper said. "He needs a little more time by himself."

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Ruin all my fun, will you?"

"Sister, the longer we leave him in there, the  _more_ fun it will be when we take him out," Dipper said.

Mabel did enjoy fun. Satisfied with Dipper's answer, she remained lost in her own thoughts for the rest of the ride back. Dipper had his own concerns. He'd have to rehearse for tonight's performance, something he had to actively put effort into unlike Mabel. He knew at tonight's performance he'd be there physically, but his mind would be somewhere else completely.

Dipper was going to pick those two kids apart until he figured out how they were tangled up in Gravity Falls. He didn't care what he had to do- even if it was magic. And if nothing came of his investigation... then it might be time to let  _him_ out. Just not quite yet.

* * *

**LW ZDV GLSSHU. LQ WKH GLQLQJ URRP. ZLWK WKH JQRPHV.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun random fact: this story was originally going to be titled "Whodunit!" I only changed the name a couple weeks before posting the chapter.
> 
> Sorry about the wait on this one, school stuff. I hope you liked the conclusion! I tried to give an explanation to the mystery without dumping too much info. I wish I'd been able to focus more on the suspects, but I think it would have slowed the plot down. Don't worry! All the characters introduced in this story will come back!
> 
> And since someone asked, there will be Dipcifica later on in this series! It's gonna be a very slow build, so I hope you're patient.


End file.
